


Kyungsoo vs the Homosapiens Agenda

by dyoksoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Kyungsoo centric, Kyungsoo has no idea who he is messaging, M/M, Minor Angst, Minor Bullying, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Wu Yi Fan | Kris, Minor Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Lu Han, Online Friendship, Pen Pals, Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda!au, Simon vs the Homospiens, but he might have a tiny crush on him anyway, literally like one sentence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-03-16 16:11:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyoksoo/pseuds/dyoksoo
Summary: Kyungsoo has a pen pal, and he has no idea who he really is. But he does know that he's really cute, and sweet and funny and Kyungsoo might have a small crush on him. But no worries, Kyungsoo's got this all under control, well at least he thinks he does.A Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda AU that needed to be written and I couldn't stop thinking about since I reread the book and watched the trailer (Love, Simon).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1323711/kyungsoo-vs-the-homosapiens-agenda-angst-fluff-chansoo-penpals-kaisoo-dokyungsoo-baeksoo-sesoo-fluffandangst-kyungsoocentric-onlinefriendship)

I stared at my computer, the screen showing the last email I had sent to Michael this morning. There’s a few things you had to know about Michael. Michael goes to the same school as me. He has an older sibling who gets on his nerves but he still loves dearly. He loves dogs, and he can never shut up about them, but he’s just as cute when he talks about any type of dog. And he loves music, we always bond over different songs because our tastes are so similar but also at times different, I loves when Michael recommends a song to me, whenever I listen to them I feel as if he’s sharing apart of himself with me. Oh and most importantly, Michael isn’t his real name. What is his real name? I have absolutely no idea.

We met because I was looking at our schools blog, it isn’t run by the school but run by students. People like to post a lot of gossip mostly, so I don’t go on very much. But then one day everyone started talking about the gay kid, later that night I went on the school’s blog to find a post by someone ranting about homophobia at our school and in South Korea in general, asking why it was so wrong if he was gay. I messaged the email attached to the message telling him there was nothing wrong with being gay and that he was brave for posting that online and that I totally agree with him, he laughed and said he didn’t want to deal with bullies and he wouldn’t tell me his real name and that his email was a throwaway account anyway. But after a few messages showing my sincerity we started to talk regularly and I told him I was gay too. We agreed to stay anonymous and to not reveal anything about ourselves that would give away our identity. But I wanted to know so bad.

From: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
To: lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
Date: September 7, 2018 at 6:12  
Subject:Re:If I’m being honest

I guess it was either Jo Insung or Yunho I mean have you seen them, everyone thinks they look good. I like to say I love Jo Insung because of his acting but oof does he look good. But I don’t really think there was an exact moment where I looked at a guy and I just thought yup, I am gay. I kind of gradually realized I rather kiss the members of DBSK rather than SNSD, you know? But it’s not like we live in the most liberal country, so I kept it on the downlow. I guess you can relate too. But It’s really nice to have someone to talk to, even if I don’t really know who you are. I still feel like I’ve known you forever, maybe it’s because you know something about me no one else does. 

P.S. Thanks for telling me to get a dog I know I’ve only had her for a week but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

-Oh Soo

From:lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
To: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
Date: September 7, 2018 at 19:29  
Subject: Ugh Family

Family, I seriously don’t know how my family would react. My dads telling me I’m the youngest but he still expects a lot of grandchildren from me. Which I don’t understand because it’s not like I’m the only child in the family I have older siblings who can provide the grandchildren he so desires. So I don’t know how he’d react if I told him I and my future partner will not be able to provide grandchildren. And idk how he would feel about adoption, even though it’s an option not many people like the idea. Ha what am I saying as if I would be able to, it’s illegal here in korea just to adopt a child with my future LOML. But enough about sad things like that, I can’t help but notice something about your email. You sent it at 6 in the morning ??? Why were you even awake, how were you even awake? I just don’t understand how anyone could be awake before the sun.

P.S. I’m so excited that you got a dog and I know the feeling that’s exactly how I feel about any dog really.

-Michael

I smiled as I read the email sent to me by Michael. If you couldn’t tell already and the emails weren’t obvious enough, neither Michael nor I are out. I’m not out due to the fear of being seen as gay. I mean I’ve accepted what I am. I’m gay. But that’s not all I am and I don’t want people to look at me and only see me as that one gay kid. But I know if I did come out my parents and family along with all my friends would be super supportive. They’ve always been open minded and I’ve never really been worried about what they would think. Michael on the other hand is scared of what his family would think of him. He has a super close relationship with his family, he told me he wouldn’t know what to do if his family didn’t understand. Which I understand, living in a conservative country where we are taught being gay is wrong no matter what, could be very intimidating when you’re well, gay. And you just never know what anyone thinks about the situation.

I never felt like I had anyone to turn to, I knew my parents would blow it out of proportions. Probably going to Pride parades and rallies and going a little over the top with their support. Like I know I’m lucky to have parents like that but it can be annoying when you don’t want your sexuality to define who you are. While all of my friends are really loud and chatty so I was scared they might accidently let it slip. So I’m so lucky to have Michael. But sometimes I wish I could talk to Michael in person, see his face light up as he talks about his dog. Sometimes I wish I could just hug Michael, holding him in my arms, giving him a small peck on the lips, I bet he’d smile when you kiss him, maybe letting out a little giggle. Okay, so I might have a crush on Michael even though I don’t really know who he is or what he looks like. But he’s always there for me and I feel like I can always turn to him for help. Sometimes I look at strangers in the halls and wonder if maybe they’re him. I know we both agreed we wanted to remain anonymous but I can’t help but wonder if I pass by him in the hallway. 

I looked at the clock next to my bed to see that it was already 23:28 and decided I should probably start my homework. I let out a groan and got started putting thoughts of Michael at the back of my head. Maybe one day I would find out his real identity but for now he was just Michael, my online pen pal that I had a minor teensy-weensy crush on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo hates school, Jongin is always tired, and Jongdae, Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Sehun are all too loud all the time. But Kyugsoo loves them all.

From: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
To: lifeafterdeath@naver.com  
Date: September 8, 2018 at 5:58  
Subject:Re:Ugh Family 

Yea, I’m usually awake really early in the morning doing hw. I know it’s a bad habit, but I never did say I was the best student. I mean ever since I was little I always preferred recess than class time. Like schools fun, I get to hang out with my friends. But having to sit through an hour long lecture on how if you multiply the base of a triangle by the acceleration of earth’s rotation you get the area under the curve or something like that, makes me feel like I’m literally gonna die of boredom. 

-Oh Soo

I ran into class hoping I wasn’t late. Thankfully I made it to class a few seconds before the bell went off. I sat in my seat breathing heavily from all the running I was doing so early in the morning, and this was why I was apart of theatre and not the football team like my best friend. Chanyeol, said best friend, turned around because of my loud breathing and laughed at me, “This is why I told you you should come with me on my runs sometimes, I bet you only ran for a few seconds and you’re already out of breathe.” 

“Oh shut up, why would I run with you when I can stay in the nice, air conditioned auditorium.” I said, taking out my water bottle and taking a few sips. “Anyway I’m doing some exercise technically, we’re doing a musical this year so we have to dance. It’s actually really tiring, right Jongin?” I called out to the kid sitting next to me, head resting on the desk, eyes closed. He let out a hum in confirmation.

“See. Jongin’s helping with choreography for the musical,” I explained to Chanyeol who nodded his head in understanding.

“No wonder he’s so tired, he’s also the head of the dance team and in the football team. Plus he’s also super smart. I wonder how he does it,” Chanyeol said in amazement, as I nodded along in agreement. The teacher walked in making Chanyeol turn around to face the front, and Jongin to raise his head, letting out a yawn and facing the teacher.

Class was uneventful as usual. Chanyeol, Jongin and I walked to our table where the rest of our friends were already sitting. Sehun and Baekhyun were in a different class while my cousin Jongdae was in the grade above us. We were all second years while Jongdae was a third year, he said he hangs out with us so he can steal my mom’s food from my lunch, but I think it’s because most of his friends graduated last year and left him behind. As soon as we were all seated Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Sehun and Jongdae started talking animatedly while Jongin went straight to sleep, how he slept through all the noise the other four made, I’ll never know. As I looked at all my friends sitting with me at the table I thought of Michael, was he with us in the cafeteria. Or did he eat in a classroom like some students, or maybe he liked to eat outside, where it was more quiet. I let out a sigh as my eyes scanned the cafeteria. Literally anyone could be here could be Michael and I’d never know it. 

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch, thankfully classes were pretty much over for the day. After lunch all we had left were our extra curriculars. Jongdae, Baekhyun and I walked to theatre while the rest of our friends headed to the football field. Both Jongdae and Baekhyun used to be apart of the football team but since we had decided to do a musical this year they happily joined me in theatre. We all had pretty big roles, I mean at least we had names instead of bystander #4. Both Baek and Dae are amazing singers and them joining theatre made the class so much more fun. 

It was still early on in the year and we weren’t doing much, all choreography was done on Tuesdays and Thursdays when Jongin was available, and our teacher wanted to focus on the ensemble rather than the main cast at the moment. So Baek, Dae and I usually just hung out in the makeup room doing nothing. I checked my phone to see no new messages from Michael, I wasn’t that surprised considering the fact that he usually only messaged after school. But I was still a little disappointed. After a few minutes of just goofing around, Mr.Lee, our theatre teacher, called Baekhyun out in order to help ensemble out with vocals. 

“So, why so down little cuz?” Jongdae asked, draping his arm over my shoulder.

“First off, you’re only older than me by like a few months. Secondly don’t ever say the word cuz again please, for your sake and mine. And what do you mean down? I’m not down at all.” I said in probably the most unconvincing tone ever, how am I an actor, I really suck at lying. 

Jongdae stared at me with a knowing look, “Come on, what is it? Girl troubles, awww is my little cuz growing up.” He started to ruffle my hair, babbling about how his little cousin was all grown up and thinking about girls.

I pushed him off with an annoyed huff, “What did I literally just say, and no it’s not girl troubles. I’m just, annoyed that Baek’s not here so my only company right now is you.”

“Wow, that hurt little cuz,” before he could grab me again, I got up from my seat, walking out of the makeup room.

“Come on the bell rang, I have to go meet up with Chanyeol,” I said already leaving my cousin behind, Baek joining us on the way to the locker room. Chanyeol and I usually walk home together since we live next door to each other. That’s why we’re such close friends. We’ve been hanging out since we were little. Then came along Baekhyun, and along the way Sehun and Jongin slowly came along too. And now I had Michael too. I was so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. They all really cared for me, and I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was more of a filler chapter more than anything else, the story really starts developing more starting the next chapter


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol's his best friend, and maybe a little more.

Chanyeol and I got off the bus, heading towards our houses. “So when are Toben and Hoochoo gonna have a playdate. Oh also we haven’t jammed out in a while. We could also invite Baekhyun and Jongdae, and I guess technically we could invite Jongin and Sehun also but they like dancing a lot more than singing but I mean we could always make it work. Maybe this Friday, Yura’s gonna be gone for the weekend so she won’t be bothering us.” I nodded along smiling as Chanyeol spoke nonstop. 

People always wondered how Chanyeol and I are best friends when we seem so opposite. Chanyeol loves talking, to anyone and everyone, while I rarely spoke a word to you unless we’ve known each other for a few weeks minimum. He was captain of the football team while I couldn’t run for more than five seconds without collapsing from exhaustion. But we also had so much in common. We both had a passion for music, and ever since I could remember I’d be singing while Chanyeol would accompany me on his guitar. Plus I feel like we fit together like a puzzle. He may be a talker, but I am a listener. He may be hyperactive, but I knew how to calm him down. And I might be a little more reserved, but he knew how to pull me out of my shell and to put myself out there. He’s the reason I was in theatre, and doing what I love. If it wasn’t for him I would’ve never gone to the audition, hoping for at least the role of maybe party goer #3 or something most likely in the background, but when I got the role of Mercutio I was so happy I tackled Chanyeol given him a huge hug. I couldn’t thank him enough for everything he’s done.

After a few minutes, lost in my head, I heard Chanyeol call out saying bye as he continued on to his house. I looked up, realizing we had made it to my house. “I’m home,” I called out as I walked into my house. My mom was currently working on dinner, while my dad was still probably at work and my brother was at school. I walked straight up to my room to drop off my stuff. I decided to start my homework now so I wouldn’t be up late working on it like yesterday. 

After a few hours of working my mom called me down for dinner. Both my brother and dad were now home. My dad was already sitting at the table, while my brother was turning on the tv and my mom finished setting the table. “Sit down, I made your favorite, doenjang jjigae,” my mom said, already filling a bowl with soup for me. The tv was set to some variety show that made kpop idols do ridiculous things that would make viewers laugh. They were currently making one of the boy group members dance to girl group dances, the rest of the members and the mcs laughed as the member dancing wiggled his hips while making cute gestures.

“Kyungsoo is that one of the groups you like?” my dad asked pointing toward the tv. I wasn’t as into idols now, but back in middle school I had been obsessed with DBSK. When I was in the fandom, I had found out about slash fanfiction. I read a lot of yunjae fics, and I think I even wrote one myself. I shuddered at the memory, a fourteen-year-old writing about sex when they knew nothing about sex always turned out bad. I don’t know what I’m talking about, I still don’t know anything about sex and I’m one year away from being in my last year of high school. After a few seconds I realized I hadn’t answered my dad so I quickly shook my head, not bothering with telling him that I didn’t really follow idols anymore anyway. I guess he didn’t see me shaking my head because he asked me who my favorite member was. “Is it the gay one?” I started coughing as soon as he said it.

“What?” I asked after I finally calmed down from my coughing fit. 

“You know, the really flamboyant one. He’s obviously a one-man Pride Parade, prancing around to girl group songs.” As soon as my dad said that, I felt my heart drop. I remembered a conversation I had with Chanyeol before about how he hated when he was in the teachers room, being scolded for a prank or talking too much, sometimes the teacher scolding him would turn to another teacher and talk about how much he hated loudmouth students because they were too rowdy and always trouble makers. He said he rather the teacher just directly call him a trouble maker because being talked about right in front of your face always hurts. Because being indirectly insulted and humiliated was so much worse. Instances like this also made it so hard to feel safe coming out, because maybe my dad was joking maybe he wasn’t. You never know with anyone, even your own family, and that was really scary.

After my dad’s comment I lost my appetite and decided to head upstairs to my room. I checked my computer to see that I had a notification for a new email from Michael. I smiled, my mood lightening up a bit. I made sure my door was closed, and opened the email. 

From:lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
To: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
Date: September 8, 2018 at 18:37  
Subject: Ugh Family and School

My parents have always drilled the importance of school and studying to me, but I love reading anyway. Plus, Some subjects are really interesting, but I think it just depends from person to person. By the way I heard this song and thought of you, it’s by the weekend, a foreigner singer, in America. The titles earned it. I think you should really give it a listen. 

-Michael

I searched up the song right away and pressed play. As soon as it got to the chorus I was shaking. Was Michael trying to say what I thought he was trying to say? I was pretty good at English but I looked up a translation to be 1000% sure the lyrics meant what I thought they meant. 

So I love when you call unexpected  
'Cause I hate when the moment's expected  
So I'ma care for you, you, you  
I'ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah  
'Cause girl you're perfect (girl you're perfect)  
You're always worth it (you're always worth it)  
And you deserve it (and you deserve it)

I’m so confused, what is Michael trying to say? Did he look up the lyrics and think of me? Did the beat and feel of the song just happen to remind him of me for some reason, even without knowing the meaning to the lyrics the song just seems very sensual. I started to blush at the thought, and then I started to smile because maybe Michael also had a teensy-weensy crush on me too. But I didn’t just wanna ask him, I felt like I needed to be in front of him for this conversation.

Michael and I have been talking for months now, I can figure out who he is. I know we promised, but how was I supposed to not try and figure out who he is, especially when he sends me that message. Okay what did I know about Michael, we go to the same school. He loves dogs, and I’m pretty sure he owns at least one. He loves music, he’s very passionate about it. He has an older sibling, well at least one, because he always talks about being the youngest. I thought back to anyone in our school who might fit this description.

And then I thought back to my conversation earlier with Chanyeol, my best friend who I’ve known for years, Park Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol who has a dog, Toben, that he always like to take pictures of and play around with. Park Chanyeol who loves his guitar, and his drums, and his piano, and is so passionate about making music. Park Chanyeol, youngest in the Park family, with an older sister named Park Yura. My heart started to beat faster as my brain started to connect the dots. Park Chanyeol is the mysterious gay pen pal I’ve been messaging for the last few months. Park Chanyeol is Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try and best and update every Wednesday. I hope you like the Chapter. Kyungsoo finally knows who Michael is... or does he???


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo finally knows who Michael is, or does he?

The next day I walked into school, my heart already beating as if it’s trying to free itself from my chest, my palms sweating a gallon a minute. I was nervous because I had just found out my long time crush, Michael, was actually my childhood best friend, Park Chanyeol. I wanted to confront him about it, but I decided to wait till after school so we could talk properly. Afterall, I had promised Michael that I wouldn’t try to find out who he was, and I had done the exact opposite. I didn’t want to make him think I was betraying him.

The whole day I could barely sit still, too excited and nervous about talking with Chanyeol today. At Lunch I had asked him if he wanted to go out after school, to the local boba place so that we could just hang out. Just the two of us. He agreed saying I was treating him though. As soon as the bell rang I ran out of the auditorium towards the locker room in order to wait for Chanyeol. When I saw him walk out the door I started to get nervous again thinking about what I would say. We walked to the boba store like our usual walks, with Chanyeol babbling on while I listened intently, giving occasional input. But today I could barely listen, my ears were ringing, my hands clammy.

I handed Chanyeol some money as he ordered a drink for the both of us and waited for it to be made. I sat at a table trying to calm my nerves, this was Chanyeol my best friend since before we could even talk. This was Michael my confidant these last few months. I had nothing to be worried about, yet nothing I thought or did would calm my nerves. 

Chanyeol came to the table I was sitting at, handing me my drink while he sipped his. After a few minutes of Chanyeol taking I finally worked up the courage to say it, to tell him, “Chanyeol I have something to tell you.” 

“Soo, why are you so nervous. You know you can tell me anything.” Chanyeol said, playfully nudging me.

I took a deep breathe, looking him in the eye, “Chanyeol, I’m gay.” Chanyeol started to cough, choking on the boba. “But you’re gay too right?” 

Chanyeol looked at me baffled, still coughing a little, “What the fuck, I’m not a faggot. And you aren’t either Soo. It’s probably just a phase, you’re being ridiculous.” As soon as those words left his mouth I felt as if my whole world fell apart. What was I thinking of course Chanyeol wasn’t Michael they acted nothing alike. How could I be so stupid? “Look Kyungsoo, I’m just saying that, I mean being gay’s kinda like wrong you know. It says it in the bible.”

I got up pushing my chair out so quickly it fell to the floor, “You know what fuck you Chanyeol, and your homophobic mindset. And what the fuck kind of bible bullshit are you trying to pull, I know your parents and Yura didn’t teach you that so you’re probably just an asshole. Whatever, fuck this, fuck you. I’m leaving.” 

As soon as I was out the store the tears started to fall and they wouldn’t stop. I pulled out my phone dialing Jongdae. “Hyung,” I barely said between all my tears. “Can you pick me up?” I sent him my location and he said he’d be here as soon as possible. As I waited for Jongdae I tried to stop crying. I didn’t want to look like a mess when he picked me up, I knew he’d ask questions and I don’t know if I’d be able to answer them. I always thought I was safe, I always thought everyone around me would’ve accepted me but it turns out I was wrong. How could I be so stupid. And now I’m scared because if my best friend couldn’t accept me, then who would? What if that means I’m wrong about my parents, what if they decide they can’t deal with having a gay son and kick me out. Because it’s different when you support the lgbtq community and when someone you know comes out to you. 

“Hey, Kyungsoo are you okay?” I looked up to see Jongin. It looked like he was on his way home from dance practice.

I tried wiping my tears away as best I can before answering him, “Yea I’m fine, you don’t have to worry about me.” He handed me a handkerchief so I could wipe away the few tears that continued to fall from my eyes. I looked up to see Jongdae’s car pulling up in front of us. “Well that’s Jongdae, I gotta go. Thank you for checking up on me Jongin.” 

I opened the car door, slipping into the passenger seat, waving to Jongin one last time. “Where you with Jongin, did he do something to you? Since when were you two close anyway?” Jongdae started asking as soon as I closed the door and put on my seatbelt. 

“He was just on his way home when he saw me, he was just asking if I was okay,” I explained with a huff. 

“Well are you?” I looked at him confused by what he meant. “Are you okay?” 

“I, I don’t know Jongdae.” 

He pulled up to my house parking the car in front. I expected him to drive off after but instead he turned off the engine and stepped out the car along with me. “Come on, I think you need someone to talk to.” 

He brought me to my room and we both sat on my bed. I started to bite my nails, a habit I got rid of when I was a kid, but I couldn’t help but do whenever I got really nervous. A few minutes had passed already and I still hadn’t said anything. 

“Look Kyungsoo,” Jongdae finally said. “You can take your time, you don’t have to tell me right away, hell you don’t even have to tell me today. I just want to make sure you’re okay. You’re my little cuz and I love you okay, no matter what.” I lightly hit him when he said little cuz but he managed to make me smile.

“Jongdae hyung,” I let out a big sigh, for the second time today I’d be coming out. And it isn’t fair. Why do gay people have to come out? Imagine if the case was the same for straight people. It just seems weird because straight is usually the default, but who decided that and why do we continue to think like that. Because it never stops at just one coming out story, once you become openly gay your life becomes a collection of coming out stories. You come out to your parents, to your friends and then you start coming out to new people you meet in life and every time you meet someone new you never know if they’ll accept you or not. And right now I’d be taking that risk. Because no matter how much Jongdae loves me, would he love a gay me. I always thought the answer was yes, until Chanyeol proved me wrong. “I’m gay.” 

Jongdae looked at me and gave me a comforting smile, scooting closer to me and giving me a hug. “Thank you for telling me and trusting me.”

“You aren’t disgusted?” I asked timidly.

“Of course not Soo, I love you and you being gay doesn’t change that. If that’s what makes you happy then I’m happy you trust me and told me.” I hugged him back tightly, tears starting to fall down my face again.

“Thank you, thank you so much for not looking at me any different,” I told Jongdae, my worlds muffled because my head was pressed against his chest. “I love you, even though I do say I hate you a lot. I’m so lucky to have you as a cousin.” 

“You bet your ass you do.” 

After a few minutes of more hugging Jongdae and I watched a few episodes of The Winter the Wind Blows because it’s my favorite drama and always makes me feel a little bit better. As I heard Song Hyekyo’s character call out Oh Soo, Jo In Sung’s character, I thought of Michael. Michael who isn’t Park Chanyeol. Michael who I still didn’t know the identity of. Michael who I had forgotten to respond to last night because I was too busy trying to figure out who he was. “Ummm, Jongdae don’t you think Auntie’s wondering where you are?”

“Okay I get it little cuz, you want to be left alone. Tell Auntie and Uncle thank you for the food and that I’m leaving now.” 

As soon as I was sure he left the room asn that the door was closed I opened my email to find out that Michael had sent me a new email. 

From:lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
To: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
Date: September 9, 2018 at 7:04  
Subject: I’m sorry

Hey Oh Soo, I’m sorry about my last message you haven’t responded yet and now I feel bad. I’m sorry if the song made you uncomfortable I was out of line. I shouldn’t have sent you that, I’m so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I understand if you don’t want to email me anymore or something. I’m seriously so sorry. 

-Michael

From: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
To: lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
Date: September 9, 2018 at 21:17  
Subject: Don’t be sorry

If anyone should be apologizing it’s me for forgetting to reply to you. I just had a little friend drama I guess. I came out for the first time today, and the second. The first time didn’t go so well but you know what they say right, second time's the charm. It was, well it was scary but I’m so glad I did it because I feel more like myself, I felt like I was always hiding a part of myself but now I feel so much more like myself. And as for the answer to your song, I thought this song would be the perfect response. It’s from one of my favorite singers, musiq soulchild, yes.

-Oh Soo

So when the world  
And the odds are against us  
You won't have to question  
The answer is yes


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo's alone, but not really.

I dreaded going to school the next day. I’d have to see Chanyeol in class because he sat right in front of me so I’d have to see him every time I looked up. I took as much time as possible getting ready for school and then I waited until the very last second before the bell rang to go to class. Jongin was sleeping like usual and Chanyeol was talking to a few guys from the football team. As soon as I sat down, I could tell he was about to call my name, but thankful the teacher walked in and told him to turn around before Chanyeol could actually initiate any conversation.

Thankfully none of the teachers made us do any peer sharing like they usually did and decided to instead lecture the whole time. As soon as the bell rang I picked up my lunch box and was ready to head to the cafeteria when I realized that all of my friends were also Chanyeol’s friends and I did not want to have to sit with him, giving him a chance to probably further insult me.

Instead of turning left toward the cafeteria like most of my classmates, I turned right toward the auditorium. I knew where Mr.Lee hid the key and decided that eating alone in the auditorium was a million times better than sitting with someone I thought was my best friend that would probably ridicule me. As expected all the lights were off and there was no one inside the auditorium. 

With nothing to do and no one to talk to, I took out my phone as a distraction from the fact that I had essentially lost my best friend of more than ten years. I shook away all the bad thoughts coming to my head and instead focused on the screen of my phone. I was surprised by a notification telling me I had a new email. The email that only one person knew. I excitedly opened my phone to the email that had been sent to me this morning.

From:lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
To: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
Date: September 10, 2018 at 7:17  
Subject: Re:Don’t be sorry

Oh god you don’t know how glad that makes me. I know it might seem weird since all we are are anonymous email penpals but you mean so much to me and I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I did anything to make you uncomfortable. I wouldn’t know what to do if I wasn’t able to turn to you, to talk to. Also I’m glad you had the courage to come out, that’s amazing and sure you found out the first person is a dick but now you also know the second person cares and loves you a lot. I wish I was as brave as you, maybe one day.

P.S. This is the second time I’ve woken up early enough to send you an email in the morning, well I guess you gotta make sacrifices for those you care about 

-Michael

 

I let out a big sigh falling to the floor, kicking my legs around in joy and happiness. One second I felt like the whole world was against me remembering the fact that I had lost my best friend. Then the next second I couldn’t stop smiling at the fact that I had someone like Michael in my life. Why did being a teenager have to be so confusing? Why did everything seem so complicated? 

“I knew I’d find you here. I told the others you were talking to Mr.Lee about the musical so that they wouldn’t ask questions.” I got up and squinted through the dark to see who was talking. “You’re such a weirdo why were you eating alone in the dark.” The lights were switched on and after a few seconds of blinking my eyes adjusted to show Jongdae. 

“I was just scared I’d get caught,” I whispered out.

“Oh stop being paranoid we aren’t going to get caught. Anyway, I decided to come look for you because if I was with Chanyeol any longer I might’ve punched him. Asshole had the audacity to act like nothing happened.” Jongdae said, standing as if he was a boxer, punching the air. He looked ridiculous and I couldn’t help but giggle. 

“You’ve never fought anyone ever, as if you could fight Chanyeol, he’s like a foot taller than you and on the football team so he actually works out.” 

“Hey!” he yelled in protest, “I for sure can beat him up.” 

“Sure you can Jongdae,” I said while patting him on his shoulder.

The bell was about to ring so we shut off the lights and waited outside the door for Mr.Lee. After a few minutes I saw Baekhyun approaching us, “Hey Kyungsoo what did you have to talk to Mr.Lee about?”

I panicked not knowing how to respond. “He was talking to him about his solo,” Jongdae fortunately answered for me. Baekhyun looked at us unconvinced, thankfully I was saved by Mr.Lee telling us all to change into our dancing clothes and shoes. I suddenly remembered today was Thursday meaning Jongin was coming in to help us with choreography. I always dreaded and got super excited on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On one hand I am a horrible dancer with two left feet, but on the other hand Jongin is an amazing teacher and makes everything fun. I’m not the best with controlling my body and have always hated physical activities but I knew I had to practice to look good the day of the show, I couldn’t drag everyone down just because I was too scared to try. And no matter how much I look like a flopping fish out of water Jongin always says good job and gives me an encouraging smile. 

Today was no different, I had a few difficulties but with Jongin and Baekhyun’s help I was able to get the moves a little quicker than usual. After rehearsal I changed back into my uniform and waited outside the Auditorium for Jongdae to come out, since I would no longer be walking with Chanyeol after school he offered to start giving me a ride home instead. While I was waiting for Jongdae to finish talking to Mr.Lee I took my phone and earphones out to listen to some music. While scrolling through my songs for something to listen to I heard someone clear their throat. When I looked up I saw Chanyeol, automatically making me freeze. I don’t know why but I couldn’t move or speak at all.

“I didn’t see you at lunch,” Chanyeol laughed awkwardly. 

“Of course you didn’t,” I mumbled out. “Asshole.” 

“Look Kyungsoo let me explain,” 

“Explain what? That you think I’m disgusting, that you don’t agree with who I am, that loving who I love makes me wrong?” I asked, my tone slowly getting louder and more aggressive. 

“Wait, Kyungsoo, calm down. Just listen.” 

“No you listen, I thought we were best friends. Together forever, no judgement, and all that shit. But I was wrong. So please do me a favor and just never talk to me again,” as soon as I finished talking Jongdae walked out of the auditorium. I grabbed his hand and started walking toward the parking lot. 

As soon as we got in his car he started asking question after question, “What was that about? I swear, do I actually have to beat up Chanyeol? Because I will.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t wanna think about it anymore. I don’t need him, plus who does when they have an amazing cousin like you.” I said pushing him playfully. Who needed assholes likes Chanyeol when I could always focus on the positive people in my life like Jongdae and Michael.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Kyungsoo are cute, and Chanyeol's a bigger dick than originally thought.

From:lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
To: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
Date: September 21, 2018 at 18:12  
Subject: Re:Chuseok

That sounds like fun, I’m happy that your cousin and you are going to be having fun during the Chuseok holiday. It’s good to be around people that make you happy. I’ll be going to my dad’s for the break, he lives in Busan. I don’t see him a lot and we kinda drifted apart once my parents divorced. But you’ve inspired me, I think I’m gonna come out to my dad. It’ll be awkward but I really want him to know, hopefully it goes well. 

-Michael

It’s been a few weeks now since my fall out with Chanyeol. A lot of my friends have been asking about Jongdae’s and my absence during lunch, but fortunately I’ve been able to avoid them most of the time. As I grew distant from most of my friends I started to grow closer and closer to Michael, I haven’t gotten any new leads to who he might be. I want to know, but I also want to respect the fact that he doesn’t want me to know he is, I haven’t even told Jongdae about him. But I really wish I knew who he was. Also, I may hate Chanyeol now, but I have to thank him for bringing Jongdae and me closer to each other. We were closer before but now I feel like we’re the closest we’ve ever been since I came out to him. Our families have a lot of things planned together for the chuseok break, and I know it’ll be a lot of fun. 

From: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
To: lifeafterdeath@naver.com   
Date: September 21, 2018 at 22:56  
Subject: Good Luck

That’s amazing Michael, and I’m so happy you’re going to come out to your dad, I really hope it goes well. I’ve actually been thinking and I know we both agreed to stay anonymous I really think we should reveal ourselves to each other. You mean a lot to me, you’re one of my closest friends. I really like you a lot, maybe more than anyone I’ve ever known. You’ve been there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to. I understand that you might not want to, but please at least think about it.

-Oh Soo

I walked into school with Jongdae and headed to my locker, today was the first day back from break. But Michael still hasn’t replied to me since my last email. I closed my locker and looked up to see Baekhyun and Chanyeol. I turned to walk away but Baekhyun called my name and grabbed me by my shoulder, “Hey Kyungsoo, I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever. Where have you been? Are you avoiding us, you never sit with us at lunch?”

“Yea, sorry Baek I gotta go,” I awkwardly replied trying to get away as soon as possible. 

“Wait Kyungsoo,” I stopped for a second as he reached for my hand.

Before Baekhyun could get a hold of me, Chanyeol stopped Baekhyun by pulling him back, “Just leave him alone he doesn’t want to talk to us.” I scoffed, more like I didn’t want to talk to him. I used this as an opportunity to leave and walked away, as I saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun continuing to fight in hushed whispers. I got to class and sat down ignoring everyone around me. 

Right before the bell rang Chanyeol walked in with his head down. He looked at me with what seemed like guilt. “I’m sorry,” he said lowly before facing the teacher who had just walked in. Sorry? Sorry for what being a bad friend? Now seemed like a weird time to be saying sorry for that. 

The bell rang signaling the beginning of lunch. I got up and headed to the cafeteria to get a drink before I went to the auditorium to meet Jongdae. As I walked down the hallway I felt as if people were pointing at me and talking about me. I fastened my pace hoping to get away from everyone. As soon as I walked through the doors of the cafeteria I knew for a fact people were talking about me as they pointed at me and giggled, some people looking at me with disgust. From my peripheral vision I could see Baekhyun walking towards me. He grabbed my hand and lead me out of the cafeteria and to a more secluded hallway of the school. 

“Kyungsoo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. God, how could Chanyeol be such a dick. He’s stupid and abandoned you cause he’s like a homophobe or something, like where did that even come from. Stupid bastard. And he had the nerve to out you to the whole school,” Baekhyun ranted and then proceeded to apologize even more. But I couldn’t focus on anything except the fact that Chanyeol had outed me to the whole school, the whole school knew I was gay, my parents would probably find out, Michael would probably hear and find out who I was. 

“Wait, Baek, pause and go back. What do you mean Chanyeol outed me to the whole school?”

“Well, after you left I insisted on going after you but he just kept telling me to leave you alone but I wanted to know what was up with you so I was about to run after you when he said, a little too loudly to um leave you alone because you’re gay, but in a more vulgar way.” I was never really scared of being out, but thinking about being out and actually being out is different. Especially when you aren’t out by choice but rather because your stupid ex-best friend outed you to the whole school. “Hey Kyungsoo, I know I’ve already said it like a million times but I am sorry that this happened to you and I don’t agree with Chanyeol. I’ll always be here for you okay.” Baekhyun walked towards me and gave me a big hug. Which made me feel at least a little safe, I didn’t know what would happen to me now that everyone at school knew I was gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm so so so sorry for the late update. I'll be posting another one later this week to make up for it. I hope yall enjoy and Love, Simon is now out in theaters so please go watch it support the gays thank you very much.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo goes through some stuff, but those that care about him are there for him.

TRIGGER WARNING: minor bullying and use of homophobic slurs

It was small things, whenever I was walking in the hallway someone would purposely bump into me. Whenever I would try to walk back to my seat someone would trip me and made sure I fell on my face. There were snickers and snide remarks, but most people avoided me, looked at me as if I was a walking parasite. People acted as if being within a foot of me would somehow turn them gay. Everytime I walked by Baekhyun he’d always smile at me still, but other than him and Jongdae I’m pretty sure no one else wanted to associate with me. 

Thankfully it was Friday and Mr.Lee decided to cancel rehearsal for the day so I was able to walk straight home. I went to my locker to grab a few books. I looked around to see a few of my classmates standing close by, it seemed as if they were laughing and staring at me. I tried to shrug it off and focus on getting my things and leaving instead. But as soon as I opened my locker I realized why my classmates had been laughing. A note hung in my locker as soon as I opened it, with nothing on it but the word fag. 

“Hey Kyungsoo, you ready to go?” I heard Jongdae say from behind me. He stopped to see what I was staring at, once he saw the note he yanked it down and faced the kids who had been laughing at me. “Hey dickheads! do you think you’re funny, because you’re not.” I grabbed his arm to stop him from running after them as they ran down the hall, out of sight. 

“Stop, it’s not worth it.” 

“But Soo, those guys.” 

“Stop, I don’t want you getting in trouble. Plus I’m strong, I could handle myself. That barely even bothered me,” I gave him, what I hoped, was a reassuring smile. “Come on let’s go home, you’re eating dinner at my house today remember, Seungsoo’s gonna be there too.”

We spent a few hours in my room as I tried to do homework and Jongdae read a comic. As soon as it hit 7:00pm we walked downstairs to the kitchen where my dad and brother were already sitting and my mom was finishing setting up the table. Dinner was, well awkward. Both Jongdae and I were not really in a chatty mood after the long week we’ve had, which was odd especially on Jongdae’s part. I knew my mom knew something was off, she always did. 

“So, how’s school?” My dad asked hoping to start a conversation.

I looked to Jongdae knowing he was gonna say something, I shot him a glare and a quick kick under the table. Jongdae let out a little yelp, my mom looking to him in concern. She was about to ask what had happened when I cut her off, “Ummmm, school’s been, well,”

“Kyungsoo’s getting bullied,” Jongdae finally blurted out. I glared at him with a look of anger and betrayal. I can’t believe he just told my parents I’m being bullied.

“Kyungsoo, what does that mean? Do we need to talk to your teacher? Are you really getting bullied?” my mom asked, voice full of concern as my dad nodded along. 

I took a deep breath and looked at both my parents, shooting Jongdae another glare while I was at it. “Mom, Dad, I’m gay. I’m getting bullied because I’m gay. But I swear I’m still your son, I’m still the same son and brother that you’ve always known.” I closed my eyes not really knowing what I was expecting. I opened my eyes when I felt someone hugging me, it was both my parents and Seungsoo. 

“Kyungsoo, I’m so proud of you, I love you, and this doesn’t change that.” my mom said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“I mean I’ve always known with you and your boy bands,” my dad started before my mom, Seungsoo and Jongdae shot him a glare telling him to shut up. “What I meant to say is, I’ve always loved you and been proud of you and this doesn’t change a thing.”

I looked at my brother knowing he isn’t the most emotional person. He pulled me into a hug and told me, “Don’t listen to what anyone at school says, you’re amazing and we love you. We’re here for you, remember that.” I looked up at him and gave him a smile before we pulled apart. 

“Oh I’ve heard of this app Grindr, I think it’s like facebook for the gay community. Maybe we could all make one and show our support for Kyungsoo,” my dad said causing Seungsoo, Jongdae and me to turn to him in horror as we all shook our heads indicating that that would be a very bad idea. 

As soon as dinner ended Jongdae drove back home and Sungsoo headed back to his dorm. I was about to walk up to my room when I heard a knock at the door. Expecting it to be Seungsoo or Jongdae having probably forgotten something I opened it right away. I was instead greeted by Park Chanyeol, I was about to close the door when he stopped me with his feet. 

“Kyungsoo wait, please listen,” I opened the door giving him a look to go on.

“I’ll give you 5 minutes tops,” I said looking bored.

“Look Kyungsoo I’m really sorry. What I did was shitty. I mean you’re my best friend we’ve known each other for so long we’ve been there for each other for so much. And I care for you Soo, of course I do, how could I not, you’re practically my brother,” a small smile started to form on my face as Chanyeol continued to talk. This was the Chanyeol I knew; caring, understanding, always stood up for his... But as soon as the next words came out of his mouth I realized that he hadn’t learned anything, “I mean this is probably just a phase, we’ll get through this together.” 

“Fuck you Park Chanyeol!” I yelled out not caring if my parents heard me. 

“No, Soo I’m trying to apologize. Everytime someone trips you or purposely bumps into you I feel so bad. In the future we’ll both look back and realize how ridiculous you’re being,” Chanyeol said trying to walk closer to me.

“No Chanyeol, it is not a phase. You’re apologizing for all the wrong reasons! This is who I am okay? And if you can’t accept that, feel free to never talk to me again,” I said before slamming the door in his face and stomping up to my room. Who needed Chanyeol anyway, I had my mom and dad, I had Seungsoo and Jongdae, I had Michael. I had Michael. I opened my laptop frantically going to my email, I had just realized that Michael had not emailed me all week. When I opened my account I wasn’t surprised by the fact that I had not gotten any new emails from him.

From: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
To: lifeafterdeath@naver.com  
Date: October 5, 2018 at 21:24  
Subject: Please respond

Michael, you haven’t emailed me since I asked you if you wanted to reveal identities to each other. And I’m pretty sure you know who I am, hell everyone in the whole school knows I’m gay now. But Michael I haven’t told anyone about you I promise. We could still keep talking to each other even if you know who I am but I don’t know who you are. Please Michael I don’t know what I’d do if you stopped emailing me.

-Oh Soo

I sent the email as fast as I could, my hands shaking as I pressed send. I layed in bed tossing and turning waiting for a reply, that may never come. I was surprised to hear a ding from my phone after what felt like forever, but was actually only 10 minutes.

From:lifeafterdeath@naver.com  
To: iwhowantstolive@naver.com  
Date: October 5, 2018 at 21:34  
Subject: Re:Please Respond

Oh Soo, or well Kyungsoo. I’m really sorry to hear what happened to you because honestly it sucks. I can’t believe Chanyeol outed you. Also thank you so much, I came out to my dad and he accepted me right away, even gave me a hug and cried a little bit. But I have something to say and I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I could keep emailing you, you’re a lot closer to me than you think. Also I’ve seen how our classmates treat you in the hallway, and Kyungsoo I’m just, not as strong as you are. I can’t deal with people constantly pushing me around or talking about me as they give me dirty looks. I wish I was as strong as you Kyungsoo, I’m sorry. We should stop emailing each other, I won’t be responding anymore. I’m sorry.

-Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear there's fluff, soon I hope. I swear this story ain't all angst. Also please leave comments, it means a lot :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongdae is the best cousin ever and Kyungsoo might be a little too wild when he's having fun

“Why are you still asleep?” I heard someone yell as the door to my room was thrown open. I squinted at my door to see nothing but a blob, I felt my glasses being pushed on my face, clearing my vision. Once I was a little less disoriented I saw Jongdae looking through my closet and throwing clothes at me.

“Jongdae, it’s Saturday. Why are you here? It’s way too early for any of this,” I groaned, trying to pull my covers back over my head, just to have Jongdae pull them back down.

“Come on, I wanna introduce you to some really cool people it’ll be fun I swear. Anyways, it’s like eleven O’Clock already, what are you still doing in bed anyway?” I glared at him hoping he’d leave me alone and I’d be able to go back to sleep. After a few minutes I realized he wasn’t going to back down so I took the clothes he had thrown at me earlier and quickly got changed.

“Where are we going anyway?” I asked as I put my seatbelt on in Jongdae’s car. 

“I told you, to meet up with some of my friends,” Jongdae said, pulling out of my house’s driveway. 

The whole ride I tried not to think about Michael, but it seemed like that’s all I was able to think about. Realizing the car had stopped I looked out the window to see a small cafe that was located near a close by university. As soon as we walked in a guy started to wave at us. We approached their table, Jongdae giving them both a hug. After a few seconds, I realized one of them was Minseok, who had been a senior at our school last year. 

I bowed to them both in greeting, “Hello Minseok Sunbae.” 

He looked at me, giving me a smile, “Hello Kyungsoo, and feel free to just call me Minseok Hyung.” The other guy who was sitting with Minseok stood up and slightly bowed to me, “This is Luhan, my boyfriend.” All of us, excluding Jongdae who was currently getting us all drinks, sat down. “I hope you aren’t mad, but Jongdae told me what’s been happening to you. But he did it because he was worried, he really cares about you Kyungsoo.” Jongdae came back with all our drinks, getting mine exactly right. I smiled at him as he put down my drink, I could never be mad at Jongdae. He always treated me like a little brother and best friend, I knew that everything he did was because he was looking out for me. “Actually the reason I really wanted to talk to you is because Luhan here helps out at the city’s LGBTQ youth center.”

Luhan smiled at me continuing, “We have group meetings every Wednesday, it’s a safe space where you could talk to other youth of the community. You know, listen to some stories, tell your own. I really think you should go.”

“I’ll think about it,” I quitely answered, still not so sure how I felt about being out and talking about being out. I don’t even know what I would talk about. The fact that I lost two really important people to me after being outed or about how everyone at school seemed to be avoiding me. 

“Did you tell him yet?” Jongdae asked excitedly, putting all our drinks down on the table. Minseok and Luhan shook their heads indicating that they hadn’t. 

“Tell me what?” I asked, confused about what was happening. 

“You’ll see,” Jongdae said with a smile, grabbing me and dragging me towards the exit, Luhan and Minseok following close behind. We all piled into Jongdae’s car and he started driving as soon as we all had our seatbelts on. He stopped the car in front of an apartment complex and everyone started getting out of the car.

“So, are you guys gonna tell me what we’re doing or?” I asked as Jongdae continued to pull me along to what I’m guessing is Luhan and Minseok’s apartment. 

“We’re going to a club!” Jongdae screamed excitedly.

“Ummm, Jongdae you do know both of us are underage right?” I pointed out obviously.

“Don’t worry, we know the owner as long as we don’t get too crazy it should be fine. Now come on let’s try to make you look a little older,” Minseok told me as he grabbed my hand and lead me towards his room. Minseok handed me a somewhat tight fitting white shirt, dark denim jeans that honestly made my butt look really good, and styled my hair up and out of my face. Honestly I looked good, and I had to admit a little less like an awkward teen who was still dressed by their mother. I looked at the clock next to Minseok’s bed realizing it was already evening.

“Come on let’s go,” Jongdae said jumping in excitement. “And Kyungsoo, I told your parents we’d be sleeping at Minseok and Luhan’s apartment so feel free to go crazy, just not too crazy.” Jongdae winked at me and walked out the room heading out the apartment.

We took a cab to Itaewon, Jongdae explaining that he’d be drinking so he wouldn't be driving. Minseok and Jongdae walked straight towards the bar as soon as we walked in. I looked around to see people dancing and having a good time, my heart beating faster due to the excitement. Luhan turned to me and gave me a wink, “Oh we forgot to mention, this is a gay bar so why don’t you have a little fun.” He walked towards the bar where Jongdae and Minseok were. I went to the bathroom so I could splash some cold water on my face. I’m at a gay bar, I was both excited and scared. I honestly didn’t know what I wanted to do. I took a deep breathe and headed back outside, I decided I’d have fun. I wouldn’t think about school, or Chanyeol, or Michael, I’d just have as much fun as I want. 

I walked to the bar to try and regroup with Jongdae and them when I realized they were no longer there. My eyes started to frantically scan across the club trying to look for them. “Hey you okay dude?” I heard a deep voice ask me. I looked to my side to see a rather tall, and handsome guy standing next to me.

“Oh, I just lost my friends and this is my first time at a club,” I said voice a little high since I was scared of being alone in crowded places.

“Damn that sucks, why don’t I keep you company? Let me buy you a drink maybe that’ll help you calm down. What do you want?” the guy asked giving me a big smile, making him look even cuter. 

I blushed and tried to think of an alcoholic drink, “Ummm, surprise me?” 

He called over the bartender ordering two drinks, one for me and one for him. “My name’s Kris, what’s yours?”

“Kyungsoo,” I replied after chugging my whole drink. I don’t drink a lot, and Kris just kept buying me drinks and they started going down easier and it got easier to talk to Kris too. I told him about Chanyeol and how he’s a major dick, and then I told him about Michael who is also a major dick. He just nodded along and gave me some good advice.

“You’re in high school aren’t you?” I looked at Kris and nodded meekly. “I think that’s enough drinking,” Kris laughed at me as I started to hiccup and sway a little on the bar stool. I was about fall off when Kris grabbed me before I could, I draped my arms around his neck and giggled some more.

“You’re really cute you know,” I laid my head on his shoulder and kept my hands wrapped around his neck. I couldn’t stop giggling and pecked his neck making me giggle evenmore.

“There you are!” I heard someone yell over the club’s loud music. I looked up from Kris’s neck to see Jongdae, Minseok and Luhan run towards me.

“Kris!” I heard Luhan yell in recognition when he saw who I was hugging. “Um, Kyungsoo’s kinda in high school,” Luhan explained as Minseok and Jongdae grabbed me from Kris.

“Yea I gathered, as soon as I realized, I cut him off,” Kris explained.

“Thank you so much, but I think we better get going,” Minseok grunted as he carried me, with the help of Jongdae, to get me off of Kris.

“Remember Kyungsoo, don’t let what other people say to you or think about you get in the way of just being who you are,” Kris said sending me off with a final wave.

“Kris is handsome,” I tried to whisper in Jongdae’s ear, it might’ve been more of a yell as I saw Jongdae wince.

“How much did you drink? Your breath smells disgusting,” Jongdae started gagging in a very dramatic manner. He shook his head when all I did was giggle, “Did you have fun at least?” I nodded my head and gave him a big grin. Today was fun, I finally got to let go and stop thinking about everything that was troubling me at the moment, which was a lot of different things.

“I love you Jongdae! You’re the best cousin ever,” I tackled him with a hug making him stumble a little. We both laughed, yeah today was a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the update, I have exams coming up so idk when I'll be able to update next. Meanwhile comment about who you think Michael might be or who you want Kyungsoo to end up :) The stories just getting started I still have so many more characters and relationships to introduce.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun is an actual angel who I (maybe Kyungsoo too) love so much.

When I woke up Sunday morning I realized why people didn’t drink all the time, “I’m never drinking again.” I rubbed my temples to try and stop my head from throbbing so much. Jongdae laughed only to start groaning in pain. Luhan laughed at the both of us and handed us some painkillers and water. We thankfully accepted, and got up to head to the kitchen where Minseok was making a really late breakfast, since it was already two in the afternoon. We all ate and talked, Minseok and Luhan were really nice and offered to hang out whenever, telling me to just give them a call. We all exchanged numbers and then Jongdae and I headed to my house so he could drop me off. Once I got home I waved to my mom and dad and headed upstairs to take a shower. I spent the rest of my day doing homework. I no longer anticipated any exciting emails or waited for a text from Chanyeol to hang out. Everyone was right, Seungsoo, Kris, Jongdae, I didn’t need people in my life if they couldn’t accept me for me.

I got to school the next day a little late because I had stayed up all night getting all my work done. I headed straight for my locker to get the books I needed for the first class of the day. I was surprised to find no degrading notes in my locker, instead there was a Pororo doll with a note attached to it. I took off the note attached to the doll and started reading it. “These reminded me of you… I’m sorry Kyungsoo I’m just not as brave as you.” When I looked in my locker I found a copy of “That Winter the Wind Blows”, my favorite drama, leaving no question behind who gave me this gift. There was also a note on the dvd, “For Oh Soo, Jo In Sung’s character, your favorite actor. I wish I could watch it with you.” My blood started to boil, he wasn’t brave enough, he wished he could watch it with me. It was all bullshit, I should’ve thrown both of them straight into the trash, but I didn’t. The bell rang so I hurriedly stuffed the gifts into my bag and then rushed towards class. 

For the rest of Monday all I could think about was Michael, the same happened on Tuesday, and he was still on my mind come Wednesday. I looked down at the address Luhan had texted me and the building in front of me. I decided I needed to get Michael off of my mind and took Luhan up on his offer to go to the LGBTQ teen group session. But as I stared at the building in front of me I started to have second thoughts on whether this was a good idea or not. When I looked at the entrance I saw a cute guy smile at me before he walked in, maybe everything would be okay. I took a deep breath and walked into the building towards the room that was emitting the most sound. As I opened the door I was greeted by what looked like any other small get together, as teens talked and laughed as well as music subtly played in the background. I walked in awkwardly looking around the room. Everyone was talking to each other like old friends, I felt so out of place. 

“Kyungsoo you actually came!” Luhan exclaimed excitedly walking up to me. I smiled and nodded at him awkwardly. He grabbed me and started introducing me to everyone, and I started to relax as I started to actually talk to people. Everyone was so nice and easily made me feel included. I was talking to Seulgi and Sooyoung, also known as Joy, a really nice couple that attended a nearby school, when someone burst in through the doors slightly panting. 

“Sorry for being late everyone,” I heard a familiar voice yell once they finally caught their breath. 

Before I could turn around to see who had entered, Joy grabbed my hand and dragged ,me towards them to introduce me, “He does that all the time. Well anyway this is.”

“Kyungsoo!?” Baekhyun exclaimed in confusion as I exclaimed “Baekhyun!?” at the same time when we looked up at each other. 

Seulgi and Joy looked at the both of us awkwardly and slowly left Baekhyun and I to talk sensing the fact that neither of us expected to see each other here. I awkwardly picked at my nails not knowing what to say. Baekhyun is gay, or at least not straight. I don’t think anyone knows, did Chanyeol know, I scoffed to myself probably not or he’d abandon Baekhyun like he did to me. 

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun said I looked up from my hands to see him nervously biting his lip. “Look, I never told anyone because my family is really religious and I’ve always been scared. The center is kinda far from where we live so I didn’t really expect to see someone from school. You probably hate me, I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you more, I know people have been picking on you at school.”

“Baek, don’t worry, seriously just,” I cut him off before he could continue. “Baekhyun, I don’t hate you, and you were there for me by continuing to treat me the same and even giving me a smile in the hallway. You’ve been one of the nicest person to me since I’ve been outed.” I gave him a smile to reassure him that I genuinely wasn’t mad at him in anyway. “And I know what it’s like to be forcefully outed, I swear I won’t tell anyone no matter what.” Baekhyun looked like he was about to cry so I panicked and gave him a hug. He started to laugh as a few tears also came out too.

“Thank you so much Kyungsoo,” we smiled each other and finally got up to join everyone else again.

“So are you gay?” I asked awkwardly hoping not to say anything stupid.

“Pansexual actually,” he answered.

“That’s cool,” after the initial shock and awkwardness started to disappear Baekhyun and I started to talk more. I actually found out Baekhyun had a dog named Mongryong, he showed me a few photos of him and he was one of the cutest dogs ever. We also talked about the upcoming musical and how Baekhyun had a few suggestions for the music. I had a lot of fun, Baek was really nice and I was kinda sad I didn’t hang out with him more before. I checked the time on his phone to see that it was already getting late. Baekhyun offered to give me a ride home since he had borrowed his older brother’s car. 

We sat in the car, soft music playing in the background. I kept thinking back to Baekhyun and I’s conversation earlier. Baekhyun had a dog, he had a serious passion for singing and music, and we were currently driving in his older brother’s car. I know tonight was supposed to get me to stop thinking about Michael but there was a chance. Baekhyun could be Michael. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I realized we were in front of my house. 

“Thank you so much Kyungsoo it really means a lot to me that you aren’t going to tell anyone about me.” 

I turned to Baekhyun who was smiling at me. Baekhyun who could be Michael, a million thoughts were going through my head, my heart pounding fast. Could Baekhyun actually be Michael, I mean he did fit the small criteria that I have on Michael? Baekhyun who has always been nice to me, who never let the fact that I was gay change how he acted around me, who has always silently been by my side and giving me small smiles of encouragement. Baekhyun with the blinding smile that could make anyone’s stomach do flips. I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down and looked Baekhyun in the eye. I slowly leaned over towards Baekhyun, and when Baekhyun didn’t seem to pull away and instead started to lean towards me too I finally closed the small distance between us. Baekhyun kissed exactly like I thought he would, soft and light and I could feel him smiling throughout the whole thing. 

The kiss was nice, really nice, but it just didn’t feel right for some reason. I don’t know how but I just knew that Baekhyun wasn’t Michael. I pulled away from Baekhyun and gave him a genuinely happy smile, something that hadn’t been coming naturally to me recently. Maybe it was okay that Baekhyun wasn’t Michael, but deep down I know I’m still in love with Michael and Baekhyun didn’t deserve to be used just so I could get over him. “Sorry Baekhyun, I don’t know why I did that.” I said starting to get red in the face. 

Baekhyun just laughed and told me not to worry. “You love someone don’t you.” My face somehow started to turn even more red after that and I started to play with my hands out of nervousness, I was scared he’d asked about Michael. “Don’t worry you don’t have to tell me who it is. But if you ever change your mind I’m here,” he said with a wink. “And this now means we are best friends got it! You should sit with jongin and sehun and I tomorrow at lunch they’re cool I swear not like Chanyeol, ugh that dick.” I laughed a little and gave Baekhyun a hug. 

“Thank you so much, for not making me change,” I said so low it was almost a whisper. Baekhyun just responded with a small squeeze before he let me go and I walked into my house, a smile on my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof exams are kinda over, after this week I'll be fully free :) Have you guys figured out who Michael is yet. Make sure to leave comments or talk to me on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/dyoksoo) about how you like the story so far or any theories you have on who Michael is I've left a few hints so far.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun is a sweetheart, Jongdae and Baekhyun are dorks and Jongin can't stop staring, or is he glaring.

Thursday at lunch Jongdae came up to me already heading towards the auditorium like we usually did, when I stopped him. “I think we should sit in the cafeteria today.”

“Why, did you forgive that asshole Chanyeol, I swear you are way too nice sometimes,” Jongdae said already ranting.

I chuckled and pulled him towards the cafeteria, “No, I still want nothing to do with him. But there are some pretty cool people I think we forgot about.” I started scanning the cafeteria as soon as we walked through the doors. My eyes briefly paused at Chanyeol’s table, but I looked away as soon as we made eye contact. I looked towards the back of the cafeteria, where we used to sit and quickly found Baekhyun excitedly waving at the both of us. Baekhyun threw grapes at us once we got to the table, acting as if he were mad. 

“It’s nice of you two to finally join us again,” Baekhyun yelled, pulling me to sit next to him. I looked at the two other people sitting at the table, Sehun gave me a smile and said hi to both Jongdae and I while Jongin on the other hand looked away and started to awkwardly cough. I shrugged it off not letting it bother me. 

I felt a tap on my shoulder, when I looked to my left I saw Sehun giving me a kind, and somewhat guilty smile. "Hey I’m sorry about how people have been treating you lately, I’ve seen some of the stuff they do to you in the hallway.” 

I awkwardly started to play with my fingers, “No need to apologize, it’s not like you’re the one doing it.”

“Yeah, but I never did anything to stop it, and I’m really sorry about that. But I swear if I see anyone do anything stupid like that again I’ll punch them. You shouldn’t be treated this way, you’re so brave Kyungsoo,” I smiled and said thank you, I could tell how genuine his words were. But I couldn’t stop thinking about those last few words he said, he called me brave, Michael called me brave. I shook my head mentally slapping myself, there was no way Sehun was Michael right, I really needed to stop trying to find Michael in every guy I meet. 

I looked at the other occupants of the table. Sehun had joined in on Jongdae and Baekhyun’s conversation as they all laughed and yelled at each other. I smiled watching the interaction, noticing everyone’s genuine happiness. I looked over to Jongin who was quietly keeping to myself. My eyes met his as I realized he had been staring at me, he flinched and what looked like a grimace crossed his face. I was about to ask him what his problem was, when he abruptly got up and walked away from the table and out the cafeteria. 

“What was that all about?” Jongdae asked, already getting ready to go and beat Jongin up if it had anything to do with me. 

“Don’t worry about it, he just does that sometimes. He’s really busy so he usually leaves in the middle of lunch to go practice in the dance studio,” Baekhyun said as Sehun nodded along. 

The next day, before I even walked into the cafeteria, I could hear Baekhyun, Jongdae and Sehun laughing and screaming. As I approached the table I realized Jongin hadn’t even bothered to come sit with us today. I know it shouldn’t hurt since most of the school chose to either ignore me and show their obvious disgust. I accidently let out a sigh while thinking about the fact that I probably grossed out Jongin. The other three occupants of the table stopped what they were doing and turned to me. “Hey, like I said, Jongin is busy I doubt it has anything to do with you.” 

“His glare says otherwise,” this made the other three look at me in question. “You guys didn’t see it yesterday? I’m pretty sure he was glaring at me the whole time he was here, I’m pretty sure he even sneered at me.”

“Kyungsoo, maybe you’re just looking too into it. I bet Jongin is just super stressed,” Sehun tried to defend. I brushed him off and tried to change the topic. What was the point anyway it’s not like I cared. I barely even interacted with Jongin before I was outed. We might’ve been seat partners and hung out with the same people but we still barely ever talked to each other, I barely knew him.

My plan to just ignore Jongin wasn’t that hard on Monday since he wasn’t there at lunch again. But then I realized there was a flaw in my plan come Tuesday. Today was the day I always dreaded but I was always excited for, except today there was no excitement and only more dread. Today we’d be practicing the choreography for the musical, and Mr.Lee decided he wanted to focus on the main cast today which meant it was only Jongdae, Baekhyun, Wendy, Irene and I. But the thing is Irene was also in the dance team so she usually worked with Wendy and Jongdae on their big number while Baekhyun and I worked with Jongin. And stupid Baekhyun just had to get sick over the weekend and has been absent the past two days, meaning today’s rehearsal would be only Jongin and I. 

I took a deep breath before I walked into the dance room, trying to prepare myself for the next two hours. I started stretching, the room filled with silence since Baekhyun wasn’t here to fill in the awkward tension. “Why don’t we go over your and Baekhyun’s duet, I’ll fill in for Baekhyun,” Jongin said, getting into position and getting read to turn on the music. I quickly got up following him to the center of the room getting into the right position. I couldn’t look anywhere but the ground, every time I tried looking at us in the mirror my eyes were always drawn to Jongin. He’s an amazing dancer and it’s almost impossible to keep your eyes off him, he was just so beautiful and passionate. But I was scared he’d take my looking wrong, as in I was checking him out cause he’s a dude. I don’t know Jongin that well, what if he got violent and decided to beat me up for being gay and “checking him out”. Midway through the song Jongin paused it and stopped, motioning for me to do the same. “Kyungsoo you need to watch yourself, or you won’t know what mistakes you’re making and how you could fix them,” he sounded irritated. 

I blushed and started to stammer, “I’m sorry, it’s because well, I mean, like, um… you’re kind of a distraction.” My face immediately turned red as soon as I said it. 

It looked as if Jongin’s cheeks started to turn red too. “Okay why don’t you do it alone then, it’s just one day without Baekhyun so you should be fine.” He sat down in the back of the room and grabbed his water bottle, as he began to drink my eyes were drawn to his neck as his adams apple bobbed with every swallow. When I realized what I had been staring at, I quickly looked away and asked him to start the music. I tried to focus on only myself as I watched every move I made through the mirror. After a few more run throughs we decided to call it a day a few minutes early since Baekhyun wasn’t there anyway. I quickly changed out of my sweaty clothes, choosing to take a shower at home rather than the schools gross gym showers. 

As I was about to head towards the student parking lot to go to Jongdae’s car, I heard Jongin call after me. I took a deep breath and slowly turned around, hoping he wasn’t mad about what had happened earlier with my staring. When he got close to me he stood there for a few minutes, not saying anything.

“If you aren’t gonna say anything, I kinda gotta go,” I was about to walk away when he tried to grab me, making me flinch away assuming he was about to hit me. When I looked at him it looked like he was about to grab me again so I quickly walked away. I was about to exit the school when I turned around and headed back to Jongin, I was so tired of this shit and I was not gonna let him get away with it. “Look Jongin, I get that you’re Baekhyun and Sehun’s friend and I also get that you don’t like me for being gay or some other idiotic reason. Like I don’t know, you’re scared my gay will spread to you or that I might be checking you out which targets your masculinity or some bull shit. But I don’t care about you or anyone in this school. I mean why do any of you care about the fact that I prefer dick, most people at this school didn’t know my name till a few days ago and now everyone cares because I’m the gay kid. Like I’m not shoving it down anyone’s throat, excuse the innuendo I didn’t mean it that way but my point stands. Like I didn’t even want to be out I just came out to one person, who I thought was my best friend who turned out to actually be a homophobic asshole and felt the need to out me to the whole school. And I’m trying to be strong and brave but it’s so hard because I may have Baekhyun, Sehun and Jongdae but I still feel so alone every time someone calls me a fag or someone decides to trip me because it’s funny. And all because I’m trying to be who I am, there’s no other reason for the way I’m being treated other than I am being myself.” After I ended my rant I realized I was crying, I quickly wiped away at my tears and turned back around to leave.

“It, it doesn’t matter to me,” I barely heard Jongin say before I was out the door. He ran up to me to say it louder, “It doesn’t matter to me, I’m so sorry if I made you feel that way I just didn’t know how to act around you, which I now realize is a pretty shitty excuse. I mean you are gay but you’re also still Kyungsoo so I don’t have to treat you different because you’re still the same person. I’m so sorry, I’ll never be able to apologize enough.” He awkwardly stood there, crouching a bit making him look so small and scared that I wouldn’t forgive him. “I never meant for you to feel that way.”

“I’m sorry for blowing at you like that. Just most people at this school have been real dicks and it’s getting hard to ignore, I may be a little stressed.” I gave him a smile and slowly got closer to him, giving him a small hug. “Thank you for saying that though, for realizing I’m still Kyungsoo no matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry about the super late update. Did y'all stream ElyXion Dot because Jongin in a crop top had me SCREAMING and the new ver for I See You is so good, if SM doesn't release a studio version I'm goin to go there myself and fight them till they do. Also the Chanhun stage was so cute it makes me feel bad about making Chanyeol such a dick in this story, maybe he'll turn around ;) . Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to tell me who you think Michael is and who you want Kyungsoo to end up with :)

**Author's Note:**

> So Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda is one of my favorite books and I just had to write an AU with Kyungsoo as Simon. I hope you like it, lol if anyone is even reading this. I also know I still have another wip but like I just get so many ideas in my head and I get so excited to write and post and then I get major writers block, hopefully it won't happen with this one and I can update more regularly. Also the emails and pen names are both hints to who the secret person is. Can you guys figure it out? Comment I'd love to hear what you guys come up with :) You could also find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/dyohksoo) or [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/dyoksoo)


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